I haven't been blogging, but wanted to give a quick update. We had our retrieval - 15 eggs, 12 fertilized.
We went with a day 2 transfer, and six embryos. This sounds crazy, but only three were at the level they should be -- and nothing else made it to freeze. So chances of getting a reality show are very very slim.
Hopefully, I still have a chance for a take home baby or two.
In general, things are ok. I'm keeping busy, but also trying to keep my stress levels down. We had a quiet holiday at home, I took a few days off from work on either end - and spent quality time on the couch catching up on reading and watching bad tv/movies.
Any symptoms I have right now, I'm attributing to the PIO. The shots are not as bad as I thought. I was told to use a 1 inch needle, which is slightly less scary. I find that if I stand and lean slightly forward with all of my weight on the non-shot side, the pain is pretty minimal. I don't ice ahead of time, but I massage the area with a heated washcloth for a few minutes after. After a week, both hips are sore and starting to bruise but no painful knots.
I don't have any tests at home and I haven't fully decided if I"ll test before beta day (Dec. 8th). I'm leaning towards a home test because I hate getting the bad news at work. We shall see..... That's where I am. Thanks for sticking with me!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Progress
Things are going well so far -- it looks like more eggs than normal, still on the small side. I go back again tomorrow for monitoring. My prediction is trigger Monday, retrieval Wednesday, and two day transfer on Friday. In general, I'm feeling ok. Bruising from the Meno.pur, these shots sting! I'm still getting daily headaches, but nothing I can't handle.
One thing I've noticed this round is that I am exceptionally spacey -- forgetting names, spelling errors, lack of conversational skills. It's like a cruel joke- baby brain without baby. I think it's partly because I just have too much going on all at once, but maybe it's the meds too. I'm still getting acupuncture weekly, but because of the holiday next week, I won't be able to go to my practitioner for transfer. I'm trying to decide if I should go to someone else for a single session. I have recommendations, but I think the stress of finding someone else and getting myself there and back would be worse than delaying the procedure for a couple of days. I'm probably going to skip it, and go on Monday. But, part of me feels like I should make the effort because..what if? Damn infertility, I used to be able to make decisions!
One thing I've noticed this round is that I am exceptionally spacey -- forgetting names, spelling errors, lack of conversational skills. It's like a cruel joke- baby brain without baby. I think it's partly because I just have too much going on all at once, but maybe it's the meds too. I'm still getting acupuncture weekly, but because of the holiday next week, I won't be able to go to my practitioner for transfer. I'm trying to decide if I should go to someone else for a single session. I have recommendations, but I think the stress of finding someone else and getting myself there and back would be worse than delaying the procedure for a couple of days. I'm probably going to skip it, and go on Monday. But, part of me feels like I should make the effort because..what if? Damn infertility, I used to be able to make decisions!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
so.many.needles.
Well, last night I sucessfully managed Folli.stim, Meno.pur, and Gan.irelix. They stung a lot more than I anticipated, but the process itself wasn't too bad. Luckily the Gani.relix is my only morning shot now, because I'm usually not awake enough to deal with something like Qcaps and mixing vials.
I remember when I took my first Gonal F shot and was SO SCARED. What a joke. The last mountain to climb will be PIO, but I'm trying not to think about it yet. Still slow and steady progress, too early to tell when I'll have retrieval, but we're potentially looking at Tuesday or Wednesday.
I finished my shots last night, retreated to the couch and *bam* - face.book pregnancy announcement. From this couple who got married a year after us. This is their second. I'm trying to figure out how I can avoid her for the next year or so......
I'm also 99% sure that a coworker is pregnant -- she's been making a lot of thinly veiled comments about doctor appointments, cutting back on exercise etc. Either come out with it or keep it to yourself, lady.
I'm struggling with the emotional side of this -- on one hand, I'm just over it. I don't think it's going to work and I'm going through the motions. But I still have a little flicker of hope -- a little voice saying "what if".
I remember when I took my first Gonal F shot and was SO SCARED. What a joke. The last mountain to climb will be PIO, but I'm trying not to think about it yet. Still slow and steady progress, too early to tell when I'll have retrieval, but we're potentially looking at Tuesday or Wednesday.
I finished my shots last night, retreated to the couch and *bam* - face.book pregnancy announcement. From this couple who got married a year after us. This is their second. I'm trying to figure out how I can avoid her for the next year or so......
I'm also 99% sure that a coworker is pregnant -- she's been making a lot of thinly veiled comments about doctor appointments, cutting back on exercise etc. Either come out with it or keep it to yourself, lady.
I'm struggling with the emotional side of this -- on one hand, I'm just over it. I don't think it's going to work and I'm going through the motions. But I still have a little flicker of hope -- a little voice saying "what if".
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Bad blogger (Stims, Day 6)
Hello out there - not sure if I have anyone left, as I've been a very bad blogger. Things have been exceptionally busy at work and with travel. October flew by. I'm currently on Day 6 of stims for IVF#3, our last. Monitoring yesterday showed slow progress, but it's early. I go back tomorrow.
I've been going to acupuncture weekly and really enjoying it. I don't know if it is helping, but I do find it relaxing and I love my practitioner. Of course, I broke down and cried in her office last week - so she might not love me back. I broke out the Circle+Bloom and it still puts me to sleep. I think it's just an automatic reaction to her voice and I can't seem to fight it. Still counts as relaxation, right?
I've been feeling pretty sad and weepy - I had chalked it up to the bcp, but I'm still feeling it. I just don't have confidence and sometimes it all seems so overwhelming that I just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head.
Anyhow -- I'm trucking along slow and steady. I get out of bed and stay busy. And hopefully by this time next week, we'll be gearing up for retrieval.
I've been going to acupuncture weekly and really enjoying it. I don't know if it is helping, but I do find it relaxing and I love my practitioner. Of course, I broke down and cried in her office last week - so she might not love me back. I broke out the Circle+Bloom and it still puts me to sleep. I think it's just an automatic reaction to her voice and I can't seem to fight it. Still counts as relaxation, right?
I've been feeling pretty sad and weepy - I had chalked it up to the bcp, but I'm still feeling it. I just don't have confidence and sometimes it all seems so overwhelming that I just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head.
Anyhow -- I'm trucking along slow and steady. I get out of bed and stay busy. And hopefully by this time next week, we'll be gearing up for retrieval.
Friday, October 14, 2011
A plan
First, and most importantly - sending love and support to MissConception, who is suffering through a devastating loss. So unfair that anyone should have to go through this.
*****
It looks like I'm down to my last two chances. We met with our doctor (Dr. B) this week and it all comes down to the fact that my eggs are shite. We ended up with twice as many eggs in IVF#2 but we still had the same result at transfer, and nothing made it to freeze. He flat out said it would be irresponsible to keep trying the same way. So we are going to do one more cycle with an antagonist protocol (no lupron! yaaa! PIO shots! boooo....) this year. Because of some travel and an expiring insurance authorization, we're looking at a potential transfer the day before or the day of Thanksgiving. Sorry to ruin your holiday nurses and doctors! Score one for us for not driving anywhere for the holiday - just need some excuses to avoid family obligations. The biggest change is that we are going to do a Day 2 transfer of up to SIX embryos. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous at all, but I also have faith in my doctor. He's been doing this a lot of years and feels very strongly about avoiding multiples. Clearly we've tried everything else and aren't getting anywhere. There is no way they would do this transfer if they thought I'd end up with triplets or more....
If this fails, our last chance is something called IVM. This was completely new to me -- no stims at all. They harvest the eggs while they are immature and mature them in the lab - then fertilize and (hopefully) transfer. This would have to be done at a hospital in a different city (also affiliated with my same program) and with a different doctor. The first article on IVM that was spit out by Dr. Google referenced the very program and quoted the very doctor that was recommended to us. I take that as a good sign. Dr. B. would need to officially present my case to be approved in this program, but my insurance still should cover it. If they don't, the costs are half of what is involved with IVF since there are no meds - so I think we'd try it.
Then he brought up donor eggs. And I cried.
I know it's a wonderful option and the statistics are so good - but I'm just not there yet.
So that's where we are -- I've got my first acupuncture appointment set up, popping BCPs, baseline set for Nov 7th and a potential Thanksgiving on my couch - just the 10 of us -- one husband, one wife, two cats, and six embryos.... the classic American holiday. Having a plan with something DIFFERENT makes me feel better. I also think there is some relief in knowing that one way or another, this won't be dragging out for much longer. Yes, we'll have some tough decisions to make - but I"m looking forward to being out of limbo.
*****
It looks like I'm down to my last two chances. We met with our doctor (Dr. B) this week and it all comes down to the fact that my eggs are shite. We ended up with twice as many eggs in IVF#2 but we still had the same result at transfer, and nothing made it to freeze. He flat out said it would be irresponsible to keep trying the same way. So we are going to do one more cycle with an antagonist protocol (no lupron! yaaa! PIO shots! boooo....) this year. Because of some travel and an expiring insurance authorization, we're looking at a potential transfer the day before or the day of Thanksgiving. Sorry to ruin your holiday nurses and doctors! Score one for us for not driving anywhere for the holiday - just need some excuses to avoid family obligations. The biggest change is that we are going to do a Day 2 transfer of up to SIX embryos. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous at all, but I also have faith in my doctor. He's been doing this a lot of years and feels very strongly about avoiding multiples. Clearly we've tried everything else and aren't getting anywhere. There is no way they would do this transfer if they thought I'd end up with triplets or more....
If this fails, our last chance is something called IVM. This was completely new to me -- no stims at all. They harvest the eggs while they are immature and mature them in the lab - then fertilize and (hopefully) transfer. This would have to be done at a hospital in a different city (also affiliated with my same program) and with a different doctor. The first article on IVM that was spit out by Dr. Google referenced the very program and quoted the very doctor that was recommended to us. I take that as a good sign. Dr. B. would need to officially present my case to be approved in this program, but my insurance still should cover it. If they don't, the costs are half of what is involved with IVF since there are no meds - so I think we'd try it.
Then he brought up donor eggs. And I cried.
I know it's a wonderful option and the statistics are so good - but I'm just not there yet.
So that's where we are -- I've got my first acupuncture appointment set up, popping BCPs, baseline set for Nov 7th and a potential Thanksgiving on my couch - just the 10 of us -- one husband, one wife, two cats, and six embryos.... the classic American holiday. Having a plan with something DIFFERENT makes me feel better. I also think there is some relief in knowing that one way or another, this won't be dragging out for much longer. Yes, we'll have some tough decisions to make - but I"m looking forward to being out of limbo.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Seeking input
Now that IVF#2 is officially over (negative beta today), it's time to start thinking about what to do going forward. We do have approval for another cycle from our insurance so I don't feel like I can quit. Coverage is such a blessing, I don't want to waste it. I also was awake at 3am the other night, and started looking at adoption websites. Since I practically had a panic attack just from reading about the process, I don't think I'm there yet.
The trick will be timing - technically the approval runs out in mid-December, which means no break. They can try to ask for an extension, but I have a bad feeling about trying to schedule something like this in two benefit years. The other trick is relying on my natural cycle, there really is no telling on when CD1 would be. So, I think I'm going to go right onto BCP so we can control when to start again, and meet with the doctor to see what he recommends. At the very least, I want to add acupuncture to my plan. For those of you who have done it, do you think it helps? How often to do you go? How did you go about finding a provider? I live in a metropolitan area, so there is a lot of choice. But I have no idea how to find someone who is "good".... I'm trying not to think about how I'm going to schedule another appointment into my already crazy schedule. One step at a time.....
The trick will be timing - technically the approval runs out in mid-December, which means no break. They can try to ask for an extension, but I have a bad feeling about trying to schedule something like this in two benefit years. The other trick is relying on my natural cycle, there really is no telling on when CD1 would be. So, I think I'm going to go right onto BCP so we can control when to start again, and meet with the doctor to see what he recommends. At the very least, I want to add acupuncture to my plan. For those of you who have done it, do you think it helps? How often to do you go? How did you go about finding a provider? I live in a metropolitan area, so there is a lot of choice. But I have no idea how to find someone who is "good".... I'm trying not to think about how I'm going to schedule another appointment into my already crazy schedule. One step at a time.....
Monday, October 3, 2011
Negative
I tested this morning (10dp3dt) and there wasn't even the slightest hint of a second line. Sure, beta is in two days and since I'm not bleeding (yet) there could still be a chance, but I don't feel it. I'm not sure where we go from here. Three years ago we started actively trying on our own. Two years ago we started with our RE, thinking this was only going to take a matter of months. At this point last year we had just done our second-to-last IUI that ended in m/c #2. I can't believe another year had passed, and we're still in the same place. I think it's time to stop, but I've focused on this for so long I think I've forgotten how to live my life without it.
ETA -- The fastest way to bring on AF is certainly to take a pregnancy test. Cue cramps and bleeding. I'm calling this one - IVF#2 is officially over.
ETA -- The fastest way to bring on AF is certainly to take a pregnancy test. Cue cramps and bleeding. I'm calling this one - IVF#2 is officially over.
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