It's on.

I'm baaack... I wish I could say that I dropped ten pounds, had an amazing summer full of adventure, and am full of sunshine and roses just in time for IVF#2 but that's not particularly the case.  We are on track for try #2 and I did my first Lu.pron shot this morning.  Like riding a bike.....  I've been on bcp since early August and I'm sick of them....the type they give me throw me into a giant pit of despair for some reason.   I told myself I could handle it and it was temporary but it was tough.   Because we're timing this cycle around some Labor Day travel, I had to stay on the pills for a longer stretch.  Four more days to go, thank goodness.

I'm not feeling particularly positive, but I'm trying to figure out what I can do differently to make this cycle work -- thinking of circle+bloom - any thoughts on if it's worth it?  I'm stocked on raspberry leaf tea and caffeine is at a minimum - soon to be stopped entirely.   My mind is still in a funny place -- I'm accepting that it's time to start again, "back to school" if you will -- but I would be shocked if we get a baby at the end of this.  I'm just assuming we'll have the same end, take a break around the holidays and then MAYBE do another cycle in January.   It's like infertility and shots and clinic visits are my normal -- I don't know what is beyond that?   But I do know that one way or another I can't live my life like this forever.  We need to move on in one direction  or another.  The trouble is I'm not sure which one.

So that's where I'm at -- starting again, trying to stay hopeful and dealing with whatever comes along....

Closer....

IVF #2 is in the near future, but I haven't started yet.  No AF, of course - no clue if I've ovulated.  The meds are in the fridge ready to go...everything is ready except me.  Luckily the decision will be taken out of my hands, as I'll have to time this between travels in August, over Labor Day, and early November.    So, I'll make the call and get some blood work done next week.
I haven't been blogging because I haven't had much to say.  Summer has been busy, but generally good. . The break has been nice, but the situation is never far from my mind. Due date #2 has come and gone.  I'm trying to adjust to the idea that we might be living child free.  I think I'm getting there, but I know my husband isn't ready to give up yet and would be surprised to hear that I'm thinking so seriously about it.
So, that's where I'm at -- not really happy, not really sad - just kind of numb and taking each day as it comes.