Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Nothing exciting to report, but I thought I'd check in.
If you asked me yesterday if this worked, I would have said yes -- but today I feel like there is no chance. I figure that's about right for halfway through the 2ww.  Any "symptoms" that I'm feeling can be attributed to the, so no help there. One more week to go until beta day.  I'm in the middle of two major projects at work, which is helping the time go faster but not helping with my stress levels!  

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Two on board (2dp3dt)

We ended up with a three-day transfer on Friday-- the best two were an eight-cell (right on target) and a five-cell (but "perfectly formed" according to my doctor).  There were still five others that were developing, but it doesn't look like any of them will make it to freeze.  So, we're pretty much where we were for IVF #1.  IF we go for another cycle, it will be a fresh one. 
The itself transfer went very smoothly.  I had the last doctor in my practice that I still had to meet - she's the head of the whole department and the u/s tech couldn't say enough good things about her.  She did comment on my fancy socks, so that's a point in her favor.  I like my efforts to dress up to be noticed.....
This clinic is pretty funny -- the last time I talked to my own doctor was in June for my wtf meeting after our first cycle.  All communication goes through the nurses - but I've developed good relationships with both of them.  In general, I'm happy there and I like the routine.  Which isn't to say I'll be more than happy to kick them all to the curb and move to an OB. 
So I've taken it easy the last few days. Not really sure what to think -- I had high hopes when we got so many eggs - but it is what it is.  I'll just take it one day at a time.  I have lots going on at work and plans with old friends for next weekend, so the time until Oct. 5th should fly by.  I'll test at home the day before so I'm not caught completely off-guard at work by beta results, but not before then.  Let the symptom watch begin!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

And then there were 15...

I got the call - 15 are still in the running!   I'm feeling cautiously optimistic -which is a new feeling for me.  Normally my clinic does Day 3 transfers and I was expecting to transfer on Friday. Instead, they are going to watch our development and make the call tomorrow afternoon.  If they are still doing well, we may push it out to Day 5 (Sunday).  I'm nervous about either scenario, but I need to trust my doctor and know that they'll make the right call.  I think I'd prefer that nothing makes it to transfer than deal with a 2ww and another unhappy ending.  (Easy for me to say now, I know.)
So that's the update -- off to try to actually be productive at work.  Must focus & stay away from google!  

Lucky 17

17 eggs! From both ovaries - no issues reaching either.  I had set my expectations to only the right side, and a number similar to IVF#1 - so I'm happy with this outcome.  Of course, I won't know fertilization until later today, but for now I'm just happy that we seem to have improved our chances.  My favorite ultrasound tech checked up on my after retrieval and actually did a happy dance when she heard my number.  I love that I'm so comfortable with the crew at my doctor's office, even if it kind of sucks that they know me so well. We have a long relationship.
Retrieval went well - no issues.  I declined pain medication when I first woke up, but regretted that decision within ten minutes.  Luckily, they brought the anesthesiologist back and he worked his magic. Don't be a hero, take the drugs ladies!  I'm still sore today, but already significantly better than yesterday.  I think the key (for me) is remembering to get up and walk around for a few minutes every so often.  Staying in one position for a long time makes it much worse when I have to get up.
So that's where I am - no more shots for me, just Ick-but better than PIO, right?
Will post again when I get the report....fingers crossed!

Monday, September 19, 2011


We're moving ahead -- triggered last night, retrieval schedule for bright and early tomorrow morning.  I had a tough weekend with my hometown visit cut short by the need to go back in for unexpected blood work.  I'm tired of making up excuses and canceling plans and pissing people off who don't know that it's for a good reason.  But I also don't like talking about this -- I'm never good with sharing people just don't understand it.  I visited with newly pregnant friend #1 - and it was harder than I thought.  Bitter infertile trying to put on a happy face while innocent preggo thinks about light-hearted things like maternity clothes and hoping she has a girl.  All I could think about was that if I'm ever in her shoes (10 weeks)- all I will be thinking about is making it to the next ultrasound.  Is my baby still alive? And how could she be buying maternity clothes already, doesn't she know this isn't a guarantee? (of course I was NOT saying any of this out loud.)
 I know that isn't healthy, but that's my reality.   And from her perspective, she doesn't understand why we don't just pursue adoption.   And when she announced that she was going to come visit for a long weekend in October, I was a little apprehensive but knew that it would be nice for us to have some time together.  Then she dropped the bomb that she'd be bringing her boyfriend (whom I haven't met) so we could all get to know each other, and they had other friends to visit in my area, and she wanted to go to a special baby store....blah, blah....  Um, Hell No.   I told her that I'd have to let her know and that I just don't know what kind of a place I'll be in - even if the cycle works, it will be still so early I'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop.   She's really a good person, but all of this is so foreign to her - and since we don't live near each other she doesn't really know what I've been going through.
So I got back home early Sunday morning and spent the rest of the day on the couch catching up with nonsense TV, and crying off and on.  I'm not proud, but I think it was necessary.
OK, enough of that.  Need to focus on happier things today and getting my head into a better place for tomorrow.  I realize that every time I blog, I whine -- that wasn't my intent, I swear!   Thanks to those of you who have stuck with me - I'll try to be better about writing.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Slow and steady

Day 6 of stims and all is well.  This time has been fairly "easy" with regard to symptoms - no headaches like last time.  I'm feeling pretty calm day to day - occasionally weepy/hormonal, but nothing too crazy - due to Circle + Bloom, perhaps?  I'm also adding wheatgrass to my diet -- too soon to say if that's doing anything, but it's nice to feel like I'm taking care of myself.    Monitoring is going well - I know from last time that my left ovary is very difficult to reach during retrieval and it's unlikely they'll pull eggs from that side.  So all the pressure is on Righty.  Nothing like starting with an obstacle already in place.
Two surprise pregnancy announcements last week that left me gutted for a couple of days. Two old friends  (of four of us who were inseparable in high school, the other has three kids already)  in relationships under two years, not married, surprise pregnancies.  They are both my age - so they are happy and ready to be mothers, but I can't help but be jealous.  I put on my happy face, but it's tough.  One has no idea what I've been going through since she lives across the country and one knows the basics but not that we had our last IVF.  We have been trying since before they even met their partners.  All the medication, doctor's visits, tears, needles, painful procedures....and it's happening for other 34/35 year olds by ACCIDENT?   Whomever is pulling the strings up there must be having a good long laugh at my expense...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Feeling good

Just a quick check-in - I'm alive.  Still in the boring suppression stage of IVF, but will have my first u/s and bw tomorrow morning and we'll be getting this show on the road.  I'm feeling good (no headaches!) and - dare I say - slightly positive about this cycle.  I'm not sure what happened, but something inside me switched and I'm trying to keep it that way.  Cir.cle + is a nice touch, I look forward to spending the 15 minutes or so of quiet.  I've tried meditation in the past but my mind always wonders too much if I'm not guided.  I'm getting better at the visualization.  It's not pefect, but there has to be benefit in just sitting quietly and doing some relaxing breathing exercises every day.  Sometimes it is TOO relaxing - last night I dozed off and woke up halfway through Day 6.....oops!   So, we'll see what happens.  For now I'm feeling good and upbeat -- let's hope these positive vibes stay once I'm back no the big meds!