Friday, October 14, 2011

A plan

First, and most importantly - sending love and support to MissConception, who is suffering through a devastating loss.  So unfair that anyone should have to go through this.


It looks like I'm down to my last two chances.  We met with our doctor (Dr. B) this week and it all comes down to the fact that my eggs are shite.  We ended up with twice as many eggs in IVF#2 but we still had the same result at transfer, and nothing made it to freeze.  He flat out said it would be irresponsible to keep trying the same way.  So we are going to do one more cycle with an antagonist protocol (no lupron! yaaa! PIO shots! boooo....) this year.  Because of some travel and an expiring insurance authorization, we're looking at a potential transfer the day before or the day of Thanksgiving.  Sorry to ruin your holiday nurses and doctors!  Score one for us for not driving anywhere for the holiday - just need some excuses to avoid family obligations.  The biggest change is that we are going to do a Day 2 transfer of up to SIX embryos.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous at all, but I also have faith in my doctor.  He's been doing this a lot of years and feels very strongly about avoiding multiples. Clearly we've tried everything else and aren't getting anywhere.  There is no way they would do this transfer if they thought I'd end up with triplets or more....
If this fails, our last chance is something called IVM.  This was completely new to me -- no stims at all.  They harvest the eggs while they are immature and mature them in the lab - then fertilize and (hopefully) transfer.  This would have to be done at a hospital in a different city (also affiliated with my same program) and with a different doctor.  The first article on IVM that was spit out by Dr. Google referenced the very program and quoted the very doctor that was recommended to us.  I take that as a good sign. Dr. B. would need to officially present my case to be approved in this program, but my insurance still should cover it.  If they don't, the costs are half of what is involved with IVF since there are no meds - so I think we'd try it.
Then he brought up donor eggs.  And I cried. 
I know it's a wonderful option and the statistics are so good - but I'm just not there yet. 
So that's where we are -- I've got my first acupuncture appointment set up, popping BCPs, baseline set for Nov 7th and a potential Thanksgiving on my couch - just the 10 of us -- one husband, one wife, two cats, and six embryos....  the classic American holiday.  Having a plan with something DIFFERENT makes me feel better.  I also think there is some relief in knowing that one way or another, this won't be dragging out for much longer.  Yes, we'll have some tough decisions to make - but I"m looking forward to being out of limbo.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Seeking input

Now that IVF#2 is officially over (negative beta today), it's time to start thinking about what to do going forward.  We do have approval for another cycle from our insurance so I don't feel like I can quit. Coverage is such a blessing, I don't want to waste it.  I also was awake at 3am the other night, and started looking at adoption websites. Since I practically had a panic attack just from reading about the process, I don't think I'm there yet.  
The trick will be timing  - technically the approval runs out in mid-December, which means no break.  They can try to ask for an extension, but I have a bad feeling about trying to schedule something like this in two benefit years.   The other trick is relying on my natural cycle, there really is no telling on when CD1 would be.  So, I think I'm going to go right onto BCP so we can control when to start again, and meet with the doctor to see what he recommends.  At the very least, I want to add acupuncture to my plan.  For those of you who have done it, do you think it helps? How often to do you go?  How did you go about finding a provider? I live in a metropolitan area, so there is a lot of choice.  But I have no idea how to find someone who is "good"....  I'm trying not to think about how I'm going to schedule another appointment into my already crazy schedule.  One step at a time.....

Monday, October 3, 2011


I tested this morning (10dp3dt) and there wasn't even the slightest hint of a second line. Sure, beta is in two days and since I'm not bleeding (yet) there could still be a chance, but I don't feel it.  I'm not sure where we go from here. Three years ago we started actively trying on our own. Two years ago we started with our RE, thinking this was only going to take a matter of months.   At this point last year we had just done our second-to-last IUI that ended in m/c #2.  I can't believe another year had passed, and we're still in the same place.  I think it's time to stop, but I've focused on this for so long I think I've forgotten how to live my life without it.

ETA -- The fastest way to bring on AF is certainly to take a pregnancy test.  Cue cramps and bleeding.  I'm calling this one - IVF#2 is officially over.