Monday again...

Thank you for all of the ICLW visits! I need to step up my posting frequency, but I feel like I'm pretty boring these days.
Nothing like a gloomy Monday after a nice weekend.  Yesterday was gorgeous weather-wise, sunny and warm.  We hosted brunch for my husband's family and a good time was had by all.  Nobody in his family likes to cook, so they are always happy for us to host any gatherings.  And I love not having to drive anywhere - win-win!  It also doesn't hurt that I can make simple things and they act like I should be on the next round of T.op Ch.ef.  Quite an ego boost.
I took my last bcp yesterday, and it's Lupron only until my first u/s on May 9th.  I thought the wait would be driving me crazy but it's been so busy I haven't had much time to dwell.  Not much in the way of side effects yet.  Last night I had trouble sleeping because I was so hot - but not exactly hot flashes. I've also been eating non-stop.  I don't know what's causing that - but I think it's mental or stress-related.  It doesn't seem like two weeks of pills could really mess with me that much.    I know the world won't end if I gain a few pounds but it's so hard for me to lose I really don't want that to happen.  I still have a few pairs of pants that I haven't been able to fit into since we started treatments.
Sorry for the whine, folks -- I'm still happy to have this chance and I'll wear muumuus every day if it means this cycle will work!

ICLW!

Welcome if you are here from ICLW - I'm looking forward to finding some great new blogs.  I love this community and the support that I've gotten here. I honestly don't know where I would be without it!  We're currently in the process of IVF #1.  I have a few more days of BCP and started Lupron injections yesterday.   My baseline u/s is scheduled for May 9th, and then I'll be starting with my old friend Gonal-F.  No issues with my shots so far - I think it's easier doing them first thing in the morning.  I'm not awake enough to be nervous.  I have a busy few weeks coming up at work so time will be passing quickly.  I even have a business trip to the West Coast for the first time in years - any recommendations on flying with Lupron?  Luckily I'm able to schedule it before I start stims & regular ultrasounds.  I think my boss is wondering why I'm rushing it, but I'm not telling her anything.  I'm nervous about handling missing work with the retrieval and transfer, but I'll deal with that when it comes.  I have plenty of sick time and the ability to work from home, but I do NOT want to reveal any of this to my boss.  She's not very supportive of working moms (even though she has two sons herself and worked while raising them) -- it's really frustrating.   Anyhow, those are my ramblings for today.  So far so good -- glad for the weekend coming up.  We're hosting my husband's family for Easter - must remember to remove the meds from the fridge!!

Drained

Well, it's on.  I'm on day three of birth control, start Lupron on the 20th, and stims probably on or around May 6th.  I have the retail value of about $4000 in fertility meds in my crisper.  (Thank you insurance!) I'm still kind of apprehensive, but I couldn't not try if this was given to us as an option.   I have to laugh when I hear about other bloggers' IVF consults, orientation programs, and written plans.  I have a box of meds that came in the mail, and my scribbled notes from my phone call with the nurse.  I'm not worried about it - but it makes me wonder why it's done so differently at my place. 
I don't know if it's the hormones (why do I get the feeling I'll be saying that a lot over the next 6-8 weeks??) but I'm in a pretty blah spot right now.  My weekend away kind of backfired.  It made me realize that I've sort of outgrown this particular friend.  We're just too different now.  Maybe it's what I've been through the last few years -- it changes you and the contrast is much more evident when you see someone from 'before'. The very things that I used to think were so great about her were incredibly annoying to me.  I'm sorry if this doesn't really make sense, but I'm just too drained to get into it fully.  I will say that I came back with an even greater appreciation for what I do have in life, so that's something.  I also came back with sunburn. You can't win 'em all.

Starting up again...

I got word today that our insurance approval came through. I'm on CD30 today, but I haven't been tracking anything so I have no idea if I ovulated.  I've never been one to get O pains of any sort.  My skin is starting to break out which is usually a major PMS symptom.   I'm going in for blood work tomorrow to see if I wait this out or break out the Provera.  My (not favorite) nurse, who has only been with the practice a few months, kept asking me about how long my cycles usually are, etc.  I couldn't make her understand that I really have no idea.  I've spent the last 14 months on some sort of fertility drug, pregnant, or waiting for my betas to drop.  Before that I was adjusting my diet and introducing metformin.  I have no clue what a non-medicated cycle should be and my RE told me not to bother with temps when I first started seeing him.  If I did know what my "typical" cycle would be, I might not be in this spot. 
I know that I should have a million more questions to ask my doctor, but right now I'm just taking it as it comes.  I know I should be excited, but I'm kind of numb.  Don't get me wrong - I am very happy to have this opportunity, but I'm also dreading it at the same time.   Maybe it's time to give in the universe and just accept that this isn't meant to be.
On a happier note, I just booked a completely frivolous last-minute weekend getaway to see a friend down south.  Maybe some sunshine and beach time will help.