Thursday, July 26, 2012

Basically out

I tested last night and it was without a doubt negative.  Now I know you can argue it wasn't the first thing in the morning, it still could be early, no bleeding yet....blah, blah, blah.    The fact is that if my beta is positive tomorrow it's going to be so low that the pregnancy will never be viable.  This ain't my first rodeo.  Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything to be one of those "miracle" stories - I just have to be realistic.

I'm just...numb.  I didn't tell my husband yet, he was out late and I didn't feel like talking this morning.  Why bother?   I have no idea what's next.  I'm 35 in a few weeks, on the last legs of our insurance coverage, and just so tired and wounded from this whole process.  
I'll test again tomorrow morning before my beta, and I'll take that last PIO shot - but I know it's all pointless.  I've said it before, but I think what I hate most of all is knowing that because of me, my  husband never gets to be a father.


  1. There are few posts that take my breath away (and not in a good way). Saying I'm sorry doesn't seem to offer much of anything, but I am. I wish it weren't so. I've been tasked with the job of perusing IVF blogs for an egg bank at times to offer encouragement and at times like these condolences. I hope that someday this will all make sense.