Warning: I'm wallowing, this isn't pretty. But this is the only space I have to let it out - so that's what I'm doing. If you're one of the lucky ones who got their good news already - please know that I really am happy for you - I'm just in a tough spot right now.
The bleeding picked up, so now I'm just waiting for the beta(s) to confirm what I already know. I'm assuming it's chemical. Haven't had one of those yet, so why not - right? The tech who drew my blood? pregnant. The cashier in my cafeteria? very pregnant. The spider that lives in the corner of my bathroom ceiling? egg sac. I'm not kidding - that's how absurd my life has become. (memo to self - must remove the spider immediately).
I'm not really sure what we'll do next. At this point, I'm just hoping to make it through the workday without breaking down. There are a lot of thoughts swirling around my head, but no plan. I'll be 34 in August. We had nothing to freeze, so we'd need to start the whole process again. My life has been revolving around this for years. My husband might not be a father because of me - I think that's the hardest thing for me to accept.
Hugs....
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up! If this cycle isn't it for you...please don't give up! 34 is SO young, so please don't let age get in the way. Keep fighting...you'll get there!! My first IVF didn't work, but I have every reason to believe that if I keep fighting, I'll eventually get my baby! Take the time you need to grieve, and then keep moving forward SJ! We'll be here every step of the way!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry things have been so crappy. I wish it had happened the other way, but don't give up. If only IVF wasn't so damn expensive!
ReplyDeleteThis ride is hell, you can wallow all you want. I'm hoping some better news has entered the picture, but if not, well... you're going to wallow and be mad and cry your eyes out for a while. And then eventually you'll feel up to going at it again, somehow, some way. This ain't over yet. Sending you a hug in the meantime...
ReplyDeleteHugs. Bleeding and cramping are never good signs, but they aren't always a sign of miscarriage. I am hoping and praying that things turn around.
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